seriously!?

i know, i do.

sadly, it’s rare when they actually listen.

not gonna lie. kinda makes me wanna punch ’em in the face.

it’s always exciting when you think your flight is actually going to leave on time. you are boarding.

and then you think you’re going to leave when they make some announcement about a delay.

so you’re thinking to yourself. seriously what could this be?

but i am willing to bet that even with all the possibilities that crossed your mind. having the police come on the plane and escort someone out was not one of them.

yeah, folks it’s pretty impressive when you’re so intoxicated that you are threatening members of the flight crew. i mean honestly, as if flying isn’t enough of a pain why would you go and threaten the flight crew?

personally, i say be nice to the flight crew and maybe they’ll give you a free drink 😉

you know when something crazy happens to you and you just need to vent sometimes things don’t come out exactly in the most logical of ways.

especially when you meant to respond but then got caught up in the middle of it.

and then you start explaining…

because you know it always starts off with someone that is extremely logical and “not-crazy” (like: mom, ex, boss, satan… you get the picture) that is panicking about something really really important.

clearly you were the crazy one for not understanding their concern.

and then you realize that perhaps what you said to your friend initially was misphrased… ever so slightly, yet changing the meaning entirely.

invariably it starts with a day off work which is always a good excuse for a happy hour

and you know it’s always a really great sign when you invite yourself over. because clearly that is exactly how you get the ladies.

or maybe it’s when you decide doing more shots is a good idea…

even though she’s not really into it.

because we all know persistence pays off

and no doesn’t really mean no… right?

so clearly i love talking to hr because their requests always make so much sense.

so it’s always awesome when they say something like, let’s set up computers in the conference room because we need these people to go somewhere.

and i always wonder if people realize that these things take time to actually you know physically set up computers. so i’m telling my friend about this and she’s like OMG ARE THEY HAVING A LAN CONFERENCE?!

which is not at all what i was thinking but it totally made me think of this

— not my video but it’s what i think of when i hear “LAN conference”
or this one which is arguably more well known:

seriously, i know everyone has that one person in their family that is like SPAM GOD.

what’s even better is when you get forwards from other family members of what SPAM GOD just sent you. like you didn’t have enough junk mail already?

of course every once in a while you get ticked off and send a really awesome response back

sadly, when you aren’t the only person on the list chances are 2 seconds later you will get something else back. because for the love of god nobody understands when it is appropriate to use reply all.

which always ends in…

true story – my roommate and i just moved to a place with central a/c and heat. neither of us have lived in a place with such fanciness in our adult lives so we were pretty excited about it. so when it first got cold, i tried adjusting the temperature and kinda failed but it looked like it kept getting reset so i just assumed he liked it cold. i know, i know, don’t assume.

so i come home one day while he’s in like a thousand layers on the couch.

it was a huge relief to find out that he thought it was super cold too because generally he likes it colder than i do.

but then comes the whole trickiness of using this system. that seems like it should be pretty simple

in the end i just resort to pressing a lot of buttons. i mean something has to happen right?

eventually we gave up and called the landlord. turns out the heater itself was actually broken and we are not complete idiots and it really is as simple as it looks.

really – i mean i like to think that people are generally smart. but maybe i am wrong.

in fact, i am definitely wrong.

is there really no hope for the future?

he could be a troll right?

le sigh.

it’s always those fantastic early morning calls.

because clearly it is always the IT department changin’ stuff up on ya.

or it could just be that the cable is not connected.

it can’t be that simple? or it can.

because you get home to the check actually delivered via fed ex.

so you think, ok maybe captain crazypants did send it to me. with a little extra money for movers. sounds ok… maybe.
and then you open the envelope.

really, there are no words.

oh and as a sidenote: voice of reason – you are fired. EPIC FAIL.