seriously!?

i know, i do.

sadly, it’s rare when they actually listen.

not gonna lie. kinda makes me wanna punch ’em in the face.

so clearly i love talking to hr because their requests always make so much sense.

so it’s always awesome when they say something like, let’s set up computers in the conference room because we need these people to go somewhere.

and i always wonder if people realize that these things take time to actually you know physically set up computers. so i’m telling my friend about this and she’s like OMG ARE THEY HAVING A LAN CONFERENCE?!

which is not at all what i was thinking but it totally made me think of this

— not my video but it’s what i think of when i hear “LAN conference”
or this one which is arguably more well known:

true story – my roommate and i just moved to a place with central a/c and heat. neither of us have lived in a place with such fanciness in our adult lives so we were pretty excited about it. so when it first got cold, i tried adjusting the temperature and kinda failed but it looked like it kept getting reset so i just assumed he liked it cold. i know, i know, don’t assume.

so i come home one day while he’s in like a thousand layers on the couch.

it was a huge relief to find out that he thought it was super cold too because generally he likes it colder than i do.

but then comes the whole trickiness of using this system. that seems like it should be pretty simple

in the end i just resort to pressing a lot of buttons. i mean something has to happen right?

eventually we gave up and called the landlord. turns out the heater itself was actually broken and we are not complete idiots and it really is as simple as it looks.

it’s always those fantastic early morning calls.

because clearly it is always the IT department changin’ stuff up on ya.

or it could just be that the cable is not connected.

it can’t be that simple? or it can.

so this is a story about trying to sell something on craigslist.

seriously, you would think it is a simple thing to do. and i mean i know there are weird people on craigslist but generally speaking i don’t believe it is too much to ask to be able to have a simple sales transaction on craigslist. to relatively normal people.

i would be wrong.

now i think this sounds slightly odd but i mean, people are weird. i will check with my “voice of reason” and see what she says.

VOR fail. because clearly this person is capt crazypants.

and i am crazy people fly paper.

like when you move to a foreign country and try to figure out how things (by things i mean technology) work for yourself.

you buy a shiny new tv! yay!

then you try to hook it up.

and then you remember you forgot to hook the cable box to the wall jack… but wait, where is the cable?

of course, you should have known that you needed to buy that separately. because you’re psychic.

right.

so there was this girl that i dated for all of a hot minute. and i always think this is the funniest story ever partially because it is completely true. no fabrication or even elaboration involved.

so we went out for about a week, i really liked her so i surprised her with flowers because… well i like flowers, don’t you?

and then she changed her number. seriously she changed her number like 3 times in the week or so that we were dating so i guess it wasn’t that big of a surprise except that you know she didn’t tell me. yeah way to show a girl you like her.

oh and she totally stopped talking to me in public too because we lived in this tiny tiny town so of course you run into each other at any 1 of the 3 bars in town that *everyone* goes to. but i think this was really the moment where i was most baffled:

so yes folks. we’re totally not talking. you changed phone numbers on me. you ignore me in public. but yes, let’s totally be friends on myspace! you remember myspace right? i mean i know it was centuries ago before facebook overtook our lives but yeah, that totally happened. in real life.

um, not. well, try explaining that to my mom. i mean what was i thinking enjoying my saturday afternoon by reading on the couch.

though it may be embarrassing to admit the number of times i have not been expecting to be global IT support. note i live thousands of miles from home (and have for the last almost 10 years) as depicted here.

and then it’s awesome when they can’t follow instructions. i’d like to note my mom is *not* computer illiterate, i have seen her be quite self sufficient… until i started my career in IT. (big mistake)

insert <headdesk> moment here.

and then when it’s all over. it’s like that was the easiest and not frustrating thing ever… um to them.

because you know you can *never* say what you really feel at work. especially when you’re talking to HR.

is it just me or does HR always seem to think that they’re being reasonable when really…

and then you try to help and it always, always goes oh so well.

especially when clearly they just want you to do something for them that is not really in the realm of what you do because they are “too busy” to tell you that maybe some new people will be hired. clearly IT does not need to know that. we’re not the ones who set up all your accounts, give you building access or get your email ready or anything like that.

and it’s even better when they are totally listening at the quarterly meeting when you’re talking about what you need to happen in order to keep up with the way things are going.

but you know we’re IT so we can “magically” make things happen… right?

right.

at least i’ve noticed this periodically when i’m on the phone with my best friend.

it seems there are just some people with whom you can be on the phone and it’s almost like being in the room with them. except from the comfort of your own home… or wherever you are.

and sometimes it’s just knowing that you can mutter to your best friend, no matter how weird it might seem to “normal people” even though you’re not actually saying anything real.